A Doctor Visit - Enjoy Life

Haven't blog for a long time...
The reason i didnt blog is I am totally confused about myself ...
I was shaken with the thoughts of my previous post...

Today i went to a doctor...had some stomache..which is killing me..Anyway...I went to this favourite doctor of mine..

She is always cheerful always happy...I don't understand why.

So I finally decide to ask her..why she is always happy..She said "I am a very lucky person, I had everything I wanted, what else more would I want to ask for." In my heart, I had this BIG WOW...

Then she asked me..so what makes you unhappy? I said to her..."Nothing in particular that makes me unhappy, but nothing seems to make me happy either"

So we had a chat about ..things...


She said...sometimes..in a BGR, guys can't be as romantic as you want..cant be as nice, considerate..etc. I told her exactly..the guy I love, has nothing a normal guy would do...Not even the simplest..thing..But to me, i really love is the peaceful and warmest when I felt with him.
And that's enough to overcome all the shitty things..But everyone..things the guy I love is so unworth..She said..."because only you have the feelings that nobody has..." So what the hack, as long as you enjoy it..that's fine..

The flame of LOVE dont last very long...One day the flame of love dies and you will see the other side of him, and if you think you can't live with it.The you have to tell him "See you later" ...
I told her she is exactly right..She said .."I remember I love a shitty guy too. till today I still love him" ..Well but my doc is happily married with a good husband & kids...according to her..I had never seen someone as happy as her..NEVER..

She said to me...there are bad days too..Then she will sit down at her garden and look at the trees around her.. and then said to herself..."enjoy life"

Finally - I made up my mind

I had finally made up my mind to return for SIN.

I had woken up from my dream, a dream that I had been carrying on for 1.5 years and unwilling to wake up. Today, I realise how dumb and silly i was to let someone that I love hurt me so deeply.
I never regretted meeting him. I still love. BUT enough is enough. I am glad that I am stepping it out myself.

I am going to the path that I had chosen whether its good or bad I will bear my own consequences. I know happiness is in my own hand. Only I can save myself..

I am thankful to have my family & friends welcoming back home.. I am sure... I WILL PARTY day and NIGHT with them.

Sadness will go away...Happiness is coming to my DOOR!!

Now what i can do is treasure the last 2 months here and enjoy every moment of SYDNEY.
Saying goodbye is hard, i am a sentimental person but I know I can make it to HOME.
I will party every day...and then set myself to go back home..

Dear XXX,
I still love you.. and never regretted meeting you.
It is you that make me understand the magic of love.
It is you who teach me every skills that I had now.
It is you who hurt me as deeply.
I know you tried to love but failed.

I enjoyed every moment I had with you, from the GOOD & BAD times.
But I know..I need to wake up from this dream that isn't true.

I hope you can cherish your life and wake up to.
You had not been the person i meet years ago, the cheerful and cool dude before.
Anyway it's your life I had said before...
"No woman can change you, only you can change yourself"

The song i heard today...nearly make me cry, it is so TRUE...
For you...

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

(CHORUS)

(Oooh. Oooh Baby)

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Oooh Oooh
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
(CHORUS)

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Next year
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
special
someone
someone
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone
hold my heart and watch it burn
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
I've got you here to stay
I can love you for a day
I thought you were someone special
gave you my heart
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone
last christmas I gave you my heart
you gave it away
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone

From a ex-housemate & best friend

I had cried for 4 hours...
A friend came online...

Cyndax Says: without you, i think i wont be able to get thru it myself..

WS says (12:42 AM):
aiya... i didn't giv much help, i wish i have give you more care, at least let you use pillow to hit me.. hahahaa

Cyndax Say: haha..WS i am very happy to meet u in SYD

WS says (12:46 AM):
haha.. not a problem, me too me too

WS is my ex-ex's bf's best friend cum housemate for 2 years.
I had spend my happiest and sadest time with him in my first 4 years of my life in SYD..
After he left SYD for good, we always keep in touch...
Although he had not been with me..right now, but i know he is always there for me..
I miss him...his laughter..

When i stayed with him, i remember, everyday after work, i will come home and chat with him...he will be busy playing his games..but always listen to what I had to say..
When I am sad...he will buy me my fav Strawberry Sundae and surprise me in the fridge..

The day he left he bought me my fav Nice Cream Hazelnut ice-cream..

We had laughter we had fun...

Thanks WS...thanks...

Made my decision and not look back

I had struggled and cried for the past 3 hours.
And finally came to conclusion to leave SYD for good.