But it's really heart...
My heart sanked suddenly when I had the thought of him.
We hadn't talk today at work. I didn't give myself much opportunity to see him or communicate to him because I am afraid. I am afraid I will go back to my "merry-go-round" again.
I am angry with myself and him.
I know he is not the person I am after or he can't provide what I would like to have in a relationship.
My housemate told me ..he will need to change a 180 degree to be worth it to go to him again. Why not 360 degree?..she said then its back to square one..
As I am blogging this post, my ipod had the following song which best describe my feelings now.. "我忘了這是第幾次 一見你就無法堅持 "
I know i am really stuffed this time...
I do not understand why is it so difficult for me to walk out this relationship.
I fully understand my life won't be "good" or I won't live "happily forever" if I continue on. There will be no miracle or fairy tale that could savage this..
Move On CYNDAX...Moved On..
I had been trying to self hypnotize in giving up and moving on with life..
真實 張惠妹
詞:徐世珍 曲:Won, Tae Yeon/Cho Kyuman
你說的話 在我心中生了根 愛得很深 所以心很痛
記憶 在我的心中翻滾 是不是每一個人 都像我一樣笨
只怕再問 對彼此都太殘忍 我能感覺 另外一個人
我等 等笑容換成淚痕 愛在崩潰的時候 比較真
太多疑問 知道答案又如何
原來容忍不需要天份 只要愛錯一個人
心痛比快樂更真實 愛為何這樣的諷刺
我忘了這是第幾次 一見你就無法堅持
孤獨比擁抱更真實 愛讓人失去了理智
會不會是我太自私 拒絕更寂寞的日子
放不開 也看不見未來
難得這種不完美 才是愛情真實的樣子
3 comments:
Actually I don't think anybody can CHANGE for another person.. At the very most.. we can ACCOMODATE.. And that is tough enough..
So if every feels very wrong.. Or everything seems to clash etc.. I'm afraid.. the change may never come..
In the past, I had never ask him to change..
I had told him.."No woman can change a guy, if a guy wants to change he will do it himself naturally, any woman forcing any guy to change will never succeed. A woman can only choose to accept or leave the guy"..
And there was once that I wanted to break up and I told him, the reason is because I know I can't change him and I didnt want to. So I choose to leave him. But that time, I didnt manage to leave him. Because somehow we agree to keep it as it is and continue.. and it works fine..
I didn't really want him to change.. I only wish for more LOVE from him and wish we could accomodate each other.
But my housemate ever told me ...Wish or Hope is desperation..
I guess if he dont love me..that means he dont...no matter how much I wish/hope ...it's not gonna happen..
So i have to convince myself to leave him..forget about him...
Don't really know why.. I am in real pain this time..
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