Putting it behind me

This blog is to make a ending chapter of a love that I decide to put it behind me..

In every relationship, there are always ups and down.Every moment to me is a page in the chapter of my life.I love and hate it depending on the issues.

Today I had decided to put everything behind me.Burried it in a secret place deep down.

Before I do so, I would like to give myself a recap.This is how our likings grew when we spend alot of time together.

We reach a point where we decided to "hang out" together.We spend almost every single weekend together for months.Doing things like gardening, walking the dog, watching telly, party, drinking, did almost everything.Spending time with him is the most wonderful thing even if its is doing nothing.

On some weekends, I would wait patiently for him to come home after work.And will be really excited.
I never knew I can be a "housewife" type could do something like that.When he had to send me home and kiss me goodbye.It is like a magical touch, I enjoyed every single moment of it.

Good times are always short.We argued a lot at work or both of us had often suggested to break up.
The reason for him is ...I like but not love..(part of me....feel..)The reason for me is I cant feel the love..In my life, I had not really put in alot of effort to make a relationship work.This time I did but earn alot of wounds, however, I did not give up and continue to try.Even if it means that my soulmate would say to me, why are you doing this and getting hurt each time..I go against her advice and continue..because I believe that "if there is love, and both party willing to work it out, we can make it to the end". Each time, one of the party decide to give up.And each time sometime happen and we get back together.

Recently I had a wake up call.I don't want to continue living in the state I am now.
If someone don't love me and never will.I should not continue.

In life, there are certain things I had to give up.No matter how stubborn I can be, I had to let go.
He is one of the person I need to let go even I know I love me alot alot.Love cant be expressed. I can't tell you why I love him. I really dont know.There is somehow just a magical attraction.

But this relationship is not going anywhere.So i should not even have hope for anything.

I need to LOVE myself 200%.Burried this feelings in me and never bring it up until i get over.
Determination is sometime I need most.

I am sick of the "merry-go-round" or back to square one state.
I need to get out.
I am sure I can do it.

I had never regret meeting him.
I had learn many lessons in life.
My prespective changes, and understand the magic of love.

I had a friend who dated a gal and I totally object.
But now I understand why he do it.
I always remember he said "she is my dream and let me try and make it come true"
He made it.He finally got my blessings in my heart even though he may not know.