A Doctor Visit - Enjoy Life

Haven't blog for a long time...
The reason i didnt blog is I am totally confused about myself ...
I was shaken with the thoughts of my previous post...

Today i went to a doctor...had some stomache..which is killing me..Anyway...I went to this favourite doctor of mine..

She is always cheerful always happy...I don't understand why.

So I finally decide to ask her..why she is always happy..She said "I am a very lucky person, I had everything I wanted, what else more would I want to ask for." In my heart, I had this BIG WOW...

Then she asked me..so what makes you unhappy? I said to her..."Nothing in particular that makes me unhappy, but nothing seems to make me happy either"

So we had a chat about ..things...


She said...sometimes..in a BGR, guys can't be as romantic as you want..cant be as nice, considerate..etc. I told her exactly..the guy I love, has nothing a normal guy would do...Not even the simplest..thing..But to me, i really love is the peaceful and warmest when I felt with him.
And that's enough to overcome all the shitty things..But everyone..things the guy I love is so unworth..She said..."because only you have the feelings that nobody has..." So what the hack, as long as you enjoy it..that's fine..

The flame of LOVE dont last very long...One day the flame of love dies and you will see the other side of him, and if you think you can't live with it.The you have to tell him "See you later" ...
I told her she is exactly right..She said .."I remember I love a shitty guy too. till today I still love him" ..Well but my doc is happily married with a good husband & kids...according to her..I had never seen someone as happy as her..NEVER..

She said to me...there are bad days too..Then she will sit down at her garden and look at the trees around her.. and then said to herself..."enjoy life"

Finally - I made up my mind

I had finally made up my mind to return for SIN.

I had woken up from my dream, a dream that I had been carrying on for 1.5 years and unwilling to wake up. Today, I realise how dumb and silly i was to let someone that I love hurt me so deeply.
I never regretted meeting him. I still love. BUT enough is enough. I am glad that I am stepping it out myself.

I am going to the path that I had chosen whether its good or bad I will bear my own consequences. I know happiness is in my own hand. Only I can save myself..

I am thankful to have my family & friends welcoming back home.. I am sure... I WILL PARTY day and NIGHT with them.

Sadness will go away...Happiness is coming to my DOOR!!

Now what i can do is treasure the last 2 months here and enjoy every moment of SYDNEY.
Saying goodbye is hard, i am a sentimental person but I know I can make it to HOME.
I will party every day...and then set myself to go back home..

Dear XXX,
I still love you.. and never regretted meeting you.
It is you that make me understand the magic of love.
It is you who teach me every skills that I had now.
It is you who hurt me as deeply.
I know you tried to love but failed.

I enjoyed every moment I had with you, from the GOOD & BAD times.
But I know..I need to wake up from this dream that isn't true.

I hope you can cherish your life and wake up to.
You had not been the person i meet years ago, the cheerful and cool dude before.
Anyway it's your life I had said before...
"No woman can change you, only you can change yourself"

The song i heard today...nearly make me cry, it is so TRUE...
For you...

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

(CHORUS)

(Oooh. Oooh Baby)

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Oooh Oooh
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
(CHORUS)

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Next year
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
special
someone
someone
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone
hold my heart and watch it burn
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
I've got you here to stay
I can love you for a day
I thought you were someone special
gave you my heart
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone
last christmas I gave you my heart
you gave it away
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone

From a ex-housemate & best friend

I had cried for 4 hours...
A friend came online...

Cyndax Says: without you, i think i wont be able to get thru it myself..

WS says (12:42 AM):
aiya... i didn't giv much help, i wish i have give you more care, at least let you use pillow to hit me.. hahahaa

Cyndax Say: haha..WS i am very happy to meet u in SYD

WS says (12:46 AM):
haha.. not a problem, me too me too

WS is my ex-ex's bf's best friend cum housemate for 2 years.
I had spend my happiest and sadest time with him in my first 4 years of my life in SYD..
After he left SYD for good, we always keep in touch...
Although he had not been with me..right now, but i know he is always there for me..
I miss him...his laughter..

When i stayed with him, i remember, everyday after work, i will come home and chat with him...he will be busy playing his games..but always listen to what I had to say..
When I am sad...he will buy me my fav Strawberry Sundae and surprise me in the fridge..

The day he left he bought me my fav Nice Cream Hazelnut ice-cream..

We had laughter we had fun...

Thanks WS...thanks...

Made my decision and not look back

I had struggled and cried for the past 3 hours.
And finally came to conclusion to leave SYD for good.

Putting it behind me

This blog is to make a ending chapter of a love that I decide to put it behind me..

In every relationship, there are always ups and down.Every moment to me is a page in the chapter of my life.I love and hate it depending on the issues.

Today I had decided to put everything behind me.Burried it in a secret place deep down.

Before I do so, I would like to give myself a recap.This is how our likings grew when we spend alot of time together.

We reach a point where we decided to "hang out" together.We spend almost every single weekend together for months.Doing things like gardening, walking the dog, watching telly, party, drinking, did almost everything.Spending time with him is the most wonderful thing even if its is doing nothing.

On some weekends, I would wait patiently for him to come home after work.And will be really excited.
I never knew I can be a "housewife" type could do something like that.When he had to send me home and kiss me goodbye.It is like a magical touch, I enjoyed every single moment of it.

Good times are always short.We argued a lot at work or both of us had often suggested to break up.
The reason for him is ...I like but not love..(part of me....feel..)The reason for me is I cant feel the love..In my life, I had not really put in alot of effort to make a relationship work.This time I did but earn alot of wounds, however, I did not give up and continue to try.Even if it means that my soulmate would say to me, why are you doing this and getting hurt each time..I go against her advice and continue..because I believe that "if there is love, and both party willing to work it out, we can make it to the end". Each time, one of the party decide to give up.And each time sometime happen and we get back together.

Recently I had a wake up call.I don't want to continue living in the state I am now.
If someone don't love me and never will.I should not continue.

In life, there are certain things I had to give up.No matter how stubborn I can be, I had to let go.
He is one of the person I need to let go even I know I love me alot alot.Love cant be expressed. I can't tell you why I love him. I really dont know.There is somehow just a magical attraction.

But this relationship is not going anywhere.So i should not even have hope for anything.

I need to LOVE myself 200%.Burried this feelings in me and never bring it up until i get over.
Determination is sometime I need most.

I am sick of the "merry-go-round" or back to square one state.
I need to get out.
I am sure I can do it.

I had never regret meeting him.
I had learn many lessons in life.
My prespective changes, and understand the magic of love.

I had a friend who dated a gal and I totally object.
But now I understand why he do it.
I always remember he said "she is my dream and let me try and make it come true"
He made it.He finally got my blessings in my heart even though he may not know.

Happiness Is a Choice

Wasting My Life

Before I came to SYD, I had never did any crazy things in my life..
The life I had was just studying and working.. very simple..

In the past 1 year, I had experience the worst/best I could think of..
Someone said to me, everyone screws up in life..
This is how they experience life..
And I think well, that is true. I enjoy/dislike part of it totally.
But ..I should also start planning for myself.. and not waste my life.

My Buddy told me...
"You need to make a decision, be firm with it. Nobody can help you. It's all in your mind/eart. Only you know what should be done. Once you are firm, if one day you regretted, you are able to leave with it because you made that decision."

The End

My relationship had finally ended.
Even though, I had convinced myself not to get too upset if this day gonna come.

But ..still when I hear that answer..."yup, i want to give up"

That really hurts..
It had cut through my heart.

But I didnt cry. We had given each other a long hug. A hug that i would not want to let go.
I kiss him good bye.. and smile. I told him, he seldom kiss me goodbye..so can he give me one to reward me for still trying to make myself happy.
He did give me a kiss on the cheek. I smile and said we can still contact and go out as friends.
I am always here.

When I get off the car and open my house gate, I close it and sit at the stairs crying.
I knew this is over. That's why I cried. Silly me. But i cant help. I didnt cry for too long.
Because i think the pain in the heart is cant generate any more tears.. too painful..

My best friends will probably think its a good news.
I deserved someone better. Although, we had alot of differences, but deep inside me I wish it could work.

Total Shit

I hate the feeling right now.
This feeling really make me feel so shit.
The feeling of loneliness is so miserable.
My God.. I hate it

You know i cant live with it..
Why cant you just come ...

You Tube

My Fav You Tube..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myqyKZsknmw"

This always make me laugh...Hossan Leong..

Thanks..

Dear Friends,

Thanks for your support and comments..
I am glad to have you around..although its seems so far...
Well.."a phone call" away..

One of my buddy show me this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt__AaFtmIk

After watching it I said to him

Cyn: "Don't invite me to your wedding"
Z: "our wedding you mean?"
Cyn: "Oh No!"

Have you ever feel like this?

I feel like finding someone to chat...
Yet I am not sure who to look for and even what to talk about...
To me, it seems that I am repeating myself over and over again...
I want to chat yet at the same time I don't...

I am tired, so I decided to sleep
Laying down on my bed... yet my eyes are just widely open..
I can't seems to fall asleep...

Damn..what should I do?

I wish i know magic and can write a spell and fall asleep..

Work

My work is stressing me out.
I am lost in my work...not know what to do ..

What I like what I am doing...
I only know what I dislike and always putting it off and not doing it...
I REALLY need to get on the task I hate most and work on it....

Sometimes

Sometimes..I wish I could be back with my "ex"..
Sometimes ..I wish for a new love..

I enjoy falling in love, being in love...
But unfortunately... sometimes it just seems so hard to find someone to love..

Am I too "high maintenance"..

My "ex" used to tell me I am very high maintenance...
I never thought I was in the past... But now.. Maybe I want to find someone to maintain me ..

Recently I had make some changes to myself..I try to regain self confidence by putting effort in making myself look & feel good.

I am seeing my results slowly...

Scuplture by the Sea Part II

Look at the crowd....

The X'mas trees are feeling "down"... they decided to hang themself..

Angle 1

Angle 2

It all depends on what you want to see..
Different Angle Different Meanings

Feeling thirsty, Lipton "Fireman" comes to rescue with his hose..

Thanks.. To A.C for the some of the pics..

Scuplture by the Sea

A: Hey Cyndax..Wanna go and look at scuplture by the sea?
Cyndax: Sure What time?
A: 9.30am
Cyndax: Err.. (it's 2am now..geez i will have to drag myself out of bed by 8) Anyway..ok..
This is how I make it to the BONDI Beach.
It took me 3 hrs to and fro to finish viewing the scuplture..
But well...its interesting...and the weather is good...with the sea breeze..

Choices In Life

A Sleepless Lonely Friday Night

Normally Fridays are party nights..
Actually it depends on where are you..or who are you with...

A single lady on a foreign land..with limited friends.. Friday Night is a lonely Night..

I had a dinner with a mentor tonight... but thats what I do every friday and come home..
Watching the boring movies on my telly..

Wanna find someone to chat but...hmmm.. My Galfriends..dating their bf every fridays..
My housemate sleep in as she just came back from her business trip..
The blokes in the office are out drinking beers..

Then I would spend my time day dreaming of what it would be like if I am SIN..
Hmm...probably stay at home...but well at least I can call my friends and ask them out without anytime for Teh Tarik...

OH..Yeah..surely..i will be playing majong or gone for a midnight movie..
I miss my midnight movie sessions in SIN.
I remember in my good Old Days.. I watch 2 movies in a row on a friday or saturday night...

Now..I hardly watch a movie in a month..Geez What a change..
Oh and I can only play PC based Majong..which I dislike so much haha....

Sigh...

How can I moved on?

I know why its so hard for me to moved on..
I see and work with you every single day.
How can I moved on?

I had tried closing my ears on any conversations that could possibly involved you.

I will pull through

When i tried to ring at least 6 friends and could not get any of them....
I would feel lonely, miserable and depressed..

I don't always tried to contact every friend..of cos i had more than 6 friends..
Sometimes when I selectively choose to call any of them and just could not get any..
I feel lonely..

Perhaps..it would be different if I am back home..
It's too tough being alone here...
I did ask my colleague.. how did she manage? She was here when she was in High Sch all by herself.. She told me ..she had been through what I am experiencing now.. And one day I will reach to a point where i will tell myself..its good to be alone too...

Today...the feeling is shit.. I know that my heart had shifted..and heading to a wrong direction..
I am digging my own grave.. but I know it and still doing it...

My Cousin told me... "some people don't like to get hurt, when they get a little hurt they will say NO MORE. Some people like her don't want to regret and keep trying till she had enough even if it takes her to get hurt over and over again.." Well, I guess I am type II.. would try over and over again... I know I had not reach the point when "ENOUGH is ENOUGH"...

I know deep inside I want to go back...but..i am holding myself and trying to move on...
I will pull through, just don't make any silly move...
I will be alright.

Feeling Hopeless..

Today I had a good time at badminton and WON a lunch.
Haha.. I didnt really do much ...my "brother" at work is the man of the match hee..

Anyway..why am i feeling hopeless..
Last 2 weeks I did not want to attend the badminton session because my "ex-partner" sends me home after the game. Unfortunately we kind of live in the same direction ... therefore he had NO CHOICE but to send me home.

Last week I nearly cry in his car, the feelings was so shit.. As it was a silence 40min drive...
This week, I am feeling better.. I didnt really feel that sad while in his car but it was still silence 40min drive. Maybe this time, I myself didn't want to start any conversation either..

But as usual, when I reached my house..I would always ask if he wants a chat.
By doing so, I am opening up an opportunity for him to tell me ..."let's break up"

Maybe to many others, they would tell me isn't that obvious enough?
Well... I had been through so many ups and downs with him...
Each time either one of us would say "I don't want to continue"..
This time...I hadn't heard that statement yet..

Not that I really want to hear it...but...sometimes..i want to die..in a straight cut.
Living like now may be torturing ...

Someone would ask me Why can't you just leave him?
He is an idiot anyway..Well. My Answer is I did tried so many times.. but I just couldn't or part of me just not willing. I am sure someone would say "you didnt try hard enough"..Sigh..Love is blind..
And I am 100% sure I am blinded now..That's why I feel that I am hopless...

In fact, my emotion self and my logical self is fighting against each other.

Logical Self: "Stupid Silly Emotional Self, just leave him. Once you leave him, you are one step closer to the REAL MR Right"
Emotional Self: "You just simply don't understand emotions and love. I feel the comfort when I am with him, even by doing absolutely nothing."

Logical Self: "But how can someone who you date hurt you like that"
Emotional Self: "Someone ever told me, there are ups and downs in life. It is only because of the down periods that leads you to appreciate the ups. Therefore this is just one of my down time."

Logical Self: "How long have you been going in this merry-go-round? Self torturing, you deserved it."
Emotional Self: "But I really did have happy times too."

Emotional Self: "Please give me more time."
Logical Self: "How long more you need? How many more deadlines you are giving your self. You are just hopeless."

Emotional Self: "Ok..I am killing my love. Time will heals. Time will make me forget."
Logical Self: "You better do it. The last resort will be to leave him, not see him forever."


I am still not crazy...
At times, people's mind and heart just simply go against each other...

It's a difficult move

Recently, my best friends are giving me moral support to move on..
But it's really heart...

My heart sanked suddenly when I had the thought of him.
We hadn't talk today at work. I didn't give myself much opportunity to see him or communicate to him because I am afraid. I am afraid I will go back to my "merry-go-round" again.

I am angry with myself and him.
I know he is not the person I am after or he can't provide what I would like to have in a relationship.

My housemate told me ..he will need to change a 180 degree to be worth it to go to him again. Why not 360 degree?..she said then its back to square one..

As I am blogging this post, my ipod had the following song which best describe my feelings now.. "我忘了這是第幾次 一見你就無法堅持 "

I know i am really stuffed this time...
I do not understand why is it so difficult for me to walk out this relationship.
I fully understand my life won't be "good" or I won't live "happily forever" if I continue on. There will be no miracle or fairy tale that could savage this..
Move On CYNDAX...Moved On..
I had been trying to self hypnotize in giving up and moving on with life..

真實 張惠妹

詞:徐世珍 曲:Won, Tae Yeon/Cho Kyuman

你說的話  在我心中生了根  愛得很深  所以心很痛
記憶  在我的心中翻滾  是不是每一個人  都像我一樣笨
只怕再問  對彼此都太殘忍  我能感覺  另外一個人
我等  等笑容換成淚痕  愛在崩潰的時候  比較真
太多疑問  知道答案又如何
原來容忍不需要天份  只要愛錯一個人
心痛比快樂更真實  愛為何這樣的諷刺
我忘了這是第幾次  一見你就無法堅持
孤獨比擁抱更真實  愛讓人失去了理智
會不會是我太自私  拒絕更寂寞的日子
放不開  也看不見未來
難得這種不完美  才是愛情真實的樣子

Working in Aust

Today I realise the difference between working in Aust and SIN.
Back home, you will definitely dont have a luxurious lunch like what I had today...

My Supplier brought me & my boss to Sydney Cricket Ground to watch a Live cricket match.
Although, I know nothing about the game, my boss & supplier spend time explaining to me..
They nearly gone mad..the wickets...and runs and stuff.. Too complicated for me..

This is sort of a friendly matched between NSW and England hence there isn't much people..
But my supplier (an scottish) seems to enjoy the game very much... for me..i just want to have an experience watching a cricket game..





But i enjoyed my lunch there... Had a Steak with Jack Potato..
Well... Today I learn that, if the chef is french and you love Medium-Rare steak..always order it to be Medium-WellDone.. They seems to say that french people never cook the steak to well down..

I ordered Medium to WellDone.. and my Steak looks so bloody..
Well..but i still eat it hee..cos they recooked the second time and its still the same..
I feel that it's pointless to change...

A nice Message from My Brother

i tell u ar
i dun msg u doesnt mean i forget u
i dun talk to u doesent mean i hate u
the reson for not msging u is to let u
have a opportunity to miss me :D

--This message brightens up my day...

My Dream Love...

Recently I am watching a HongKong Series and its a love story.
This show make me wonder what kind of love I would like to have..

I wanted a romantic love...But I guess...it never happens these days...
I wish for a guy who can love me alot, hold my hands and do shopping...surprise me at times..
We can spend quality time together, cook for each other, do some basic chores..
Share our thoughts...

The previous love I had is not what I expected.Something different, although there is not much of romance as I thought, it was something that I couldn't let go.

I had been through so many ups and down in that relationship..
In that relationship...I had once believe..
That If there is love, nothing is impossible...and strongly work on that believe.
However, it had proven to me that it takes 2 to clap.
Takes two to put in as much effort to make things work.

Now ..It just seems that he wanna let go..
So there is no point for me to hold on to it...

An email that had not been send.

If I could only send this letter out...

Dear XXX,

You are so idiot, piss me off badly too.
Why can't you just communciate with me properly?

Something is wrong, should always sort it out.
But you always choose to avoid it.

Well. Now, I think I gave up on you too.
I felt that I had wasted so much on you.
I love and hate you at the same time.
I don't know how to face you anymore..

Somehow i know you are not a jerk deep inside.
But you are now trying to show that you are an TOTAL IDIOT.
You give me a feeling that all you care is just to be angry, piss and go mad at me..
So what more can I do?

Someone ever said to me if you are 50% happy over the time in a relationship. Just forget it.
You should be at least 80% happy all the time.

Initially, I don't mind not being less than 80% happy. Because I know it takes time.

But now irregardless, it just seems I can only choose to let you go and ignore you.
And not talk and see you if possible.

---TOTALLY HURT.

Feelings Continued...

I was really pissed of by my partner.. I should rename him as "ex-partner" he is a total idiot.
Although I love him, but working with him seems to be a nightmare..

I was so damn sick last night throughout the night and still decide to go to work.
Just sat down and start working for a couple of minutes..
I received a call from him, I nearly went deaf after receiving that phone call.
My colleague....beside me...just as me to RELAX and cool down..

Well.. I had improved my cooling down skill by working on this policy "NO ONE CAN HURT me unless I LET THEM"
So...it took me maybe 10minutes of distraction to cool off.

However, I didn't want to see him and hence decided not to go for lunch with the lot...
I better stop blogging about him if not I am getting pissed again...

Anyway, I was reading my sis's blog and saw her posting this question..
"Have you ever thought who is the nicest person to you? and if you can rank them how would you?"

I had meet many nice people in my life...everyone is good..
I can't seem to find a way to rank them top of my head...

If you ask me now..who is the shittest person..haha...my answer would have been the one I used to love most too...
That idiot.. So contradicting..

TODAY is the day I feel like saying...
"FORGET HIM, GET OUT OF MY LIFE! I CAN BE HAPPIER WITHOUT HIM."

My Current Feelings

A buddy told me I should blog about my feelings..so I started this post

Initially when I started this blog, i wanted to try and avoid blogging on one issue.I wanted to avoid blogging about my "partner".

I know that I had lived my life around him or he was the only thing in my world in the last whole year.
Now I am trying to move on and let go of him.However, it's damn difficult. Or I should say part of me is unwilling to move on.

My best friend may think i am silly to still clinch some hopes on him.
But the weird think about love is, it can be torturing, hurting and we still choose to love.

I had been through many relationships before or had met many guys before.
And in those relationships, I can walk away easily.

But this one, I had tried to break up many times or we had break up many times and yet is back today.
At the current stage, I am not even sure if we are still together.
The worst thing is normally our fights are work related issues, which should not be a big deal at all.
But well, sometimes.. when to love one work together and starts to get impatient they accidentally hurt each other deeply.

For the past few weeks, my partner is very angry with me.
I am not 100% sure what is the real reason. I can only guess its work related.

During these weeks, my mind was having a big turmoil.
I had tried to convince myself, leaving him is a good decision and choice.
Then the following day I would think, geez I still love him. I can't bear to let go.
Then I would feel, no no..he is hurting me too much.
I would then forgive him in no time, and want to be back again.
Then I would want to prepare myself to let go since I already did my best.

The back and forth situation happen so quickly just like a roller coaster.

Why can't we just sit down and talk over it?
Well. I realise it's still not time yet.
If there is still fire, talking about it may be just be like pouring oil over it.

I really don't know what happen to me.
Because in the past, I would never land myself in this state.
If I think that I won't have a future with the GUY, I would end it asap.
But now, I know I may not have a future, or my furture may not be a Fairy Tale, I still choose to carry one.

My sis wrote this in her blog before "No-one can hurt you, unless you let them. And Life is about choices, you can make a choice"
Of cos I knew I am letting him to hurt me, this is because I still love him.
I also know that I made a STUPID choice which is to carry one loving him.

My sis ever ask me, What do you see in him?
Haha. I really don't know how to answer that question. I guess, I am blinded by love and there is a special magnet that just suck me into him.

I used to have this prayer..
"God, is he my MR RIGHT, if he is, can you please make him love me more. If he isn't can you get rid of him in my heart"
Well..believe me, this prayer never worked yet.

Frankly speaking, I dare not think of the following:
- Should I leave him? My heart and mind would be fighting against each other on this matter.
- Would he come and love me more? Although I had my answer in my heart but I am not gamed enough to accept it.
- Would he tell me he want to leave me again? I dare not hear this.

Sometimes, I would send my partner an email about my feelings.
Although he never replied. But at the same time, my heart are usually tight when I click on my INBOX.
Because I still do not want to hear the bad news.

I still love him. Why? Because I had my happy times too, and this magically attraction is still there.

Finding myself

Recently, I had ask an "Old Man" why didn't you want to retire?
The Old Man said...because I have lots of things that I wanted to do.
There are lot of things I am interested in.

Hmm..It triggers me to think.. Hey what happen to me..
Years ago...I had lots of dreams, and wanted to do alot of things.
Filled with interest and live...but somehow..this had died off..
Well, I didn't want to find out what cause it to die off.
But I want to re-venture the interest and spirit that I had...
So my aim now is to find myself again...


From a friend "Do what you love, love what you do..."

Viewing things differently

While I was reading some blog from my friends I realise that life seems so interesting for them.

They always have interesting photos of what they had seen in Sydney.

Hmm.. does life really that shit to me?
Or do i view things differently...Or I did not share with people what I had seen?
Hmm...

Driving without wheels

My Mercedes looks better with invisible rim

Don't know how to get rid of your monitor? Just throw it down from your balcony.

Grey Clouds moving away

In my previous blog, life seems so greyish and dark. Now grey clouds are slowly moving away. My housemate always tell me to have faith. So I am trying hard to have faith in myself and my otherhalf.

I didn't really blog anything on my birthday but let me share with you on what I have receive...

Blueberry Cheesecake from my auntie

Roses Only from my friend in the states..

Finding Happiness

Last week, I had to make several decisions.
These decisions cost me alot.

The stress and circumstances had driven me to make those decisions.
The sadest part is I have given up a few things I love.

I have my regrets and also my relief but finding the balancing point is very hard.

So now I have to find myself again and re-build everything.

What a Day

I am still working while blogging this entry... It had been a crazy day for me and my fellow team members in my current projects. We had been working since 29 August 9am ... and its 5.02 am and we have to continue to at least midday...

Geez...wonder how can we survived that...

There are alot hiccups today... First my commander engineer is sick and had to get the standby engineer to be on the roll..then while doing the rehearsal in-house the electrician that was doing a mainatence work in our office blow the fuse cut the whole office off.

But..well..we manage to get over it and have the team spirit going...
So we decide to go ahead on releasing our project..but as we packed our stuff and about to go to the lift and heads off to the site... One of the engineer started laughing...

I was wondering why...he asked the rest of us..."Hey guys, what do you think we forget?".. Guess...what ? We forget to bring the equipment ...and we cant stop laughing...our mind is all about the process of the site work and totally forgot about the equipment.

Trust

This morning, on my way to work, I was thinking about this topic..."Do you still believe in till death do us part?"

Does Everlasting Love Still Exist?

I had heard so many stories about how their other half cheated on them or how they cheated.It really make me think twice in trusting my people.

In many cases that I had seen, every cheater does seems to be a cheater but the fact is they are. I not sure if it is because I am meeting more people these days and hence heard more stories of these sort or if we are in a new era whereby nobody can stay put to one partner.

For those who are singles, I think you should blame cheaters.. the reason is they took two partner instead of one..resulting in a shortage of singles for others. Haha...

If you read to this point, you probably will think.."Hey...did anyone cheat on me?" ...Thank GOD... I myself did not encounter it yet.My other half have not cheat on me yet...or maybe he cheated smartly without getting caught. In fact, if a person all out to cheat on you, it is very hard to catch it unless he/she admits it.

I am a person that hope to live in a fairytale world. Unfortunately, fairy tales are diminishing. However, I still hope that some day I can find TRUE EVERLASTING LOVE or some day my other half can make me feel that in him. I don't think I have confidence in myself and hence losing faith in our relationship. But well, I always remind myself if he really wants to cheat I can do nothing about it.

In the past, I used to think if my other half cheats on me, I would want to know, at least I can do something. Recent years, my mindset changed. I feel that if he wants to cheat, don't ever let me know haha..Then I can live happier... (I guess I am probably is the dumbest person eh..)

So do you trust your other half entirely?

Starting A Brand New Blog

I had decide to take my old blog down several months ago because I felt that the content isn't going anywhere...

Recently I thought, maybe I should re-start blogging and hoping for a change..

Before I start any new topic... I thought perhaps giving a brief introduction of "what I am?" would be a good start...

If someone ask me..."Can you choose a word to describe yourself, what would it be?"
My answer would definitely be "Confused"..

I guess half my life I am blur and totally confused..
If you are my close friends, you would have notice me constantly engaging myself in "confusion" state not "Confucius".

I am either confuse about my work, friends, relationship, family.. Well actually most of the time I am confused with myself.

So what leads to me being confused all the time? Well..the question that I do not really know the answer "What do I want to do in life?" It is either I do not have an answer or its an answer that seems so unachievable..

So..now...if you are reading my blog...can you stop and think "what do you actually want to do in your life?" .. I think most people are like me..spending half the time wasting it ...well..we think we are wasting our life so what is consider waste?

"Working too hard...day and night at work" -- Wasting your life
"Sleeping all day on weekends" -- Wasting your life
"Watching TV all day" -- Wasting your life
"Writing blog" -- Wasting your life??

How can I not be confused?... Hmm... ?